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City Fairfax
Age 30
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My other half and I went to an isolated nudist retreat for Ralph magazine, in aboutand the whole thing was ridiculous from beginning to end, which I hope comes across. Note the generic pictures: I tried taking a couple of shots, but nudists are kind of alert to that sort of thing. This is unpleasant for all of us, so I want you to imagine a big bunch of flowers hovering around my middle. They can be whatever flowers you like. Never mind nudism: they could breed a race of giant mole men here and no-one would know.

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They can be whatever flowers you like.

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People under 50 obviously do know better. He is wearing a big cowboy hat and unfortunately nothing else. What next — a laughing elf in a tree? He is wearing a big cowboy hat and unfortunately nothing else.

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All I can think is that my clothes are in a pile 3m away. Things will be much simpler when the mole men arrive. He is wearing a pair of drwin, thank God. Further along the path are two middle-aged blokes in DIY mode including risky use of a hammer on a cabin roof, while on the river, Girl to fuck Gainesville people are putting up tents.

In the pile of magazines is a year-old New Idea — the first time irony and New Idea ever appeared in the same thought.

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It starts to rain like a bastard. Part of the trouble with nudism is that the wrong people do it. He must have heard it before. Further up the hill I see others on their balconies, also rrsorts.

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Until it was too late, anyway. We only look up when the sun has disappeared. They are risking pneumonia to prove a point. Things will be much simpler when the mole men arrive. And they will see me. All the cabins and caravans are pretty well spaced up the side of the valley away from the Wollondilly River.

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I can stand the sight of jaybirds on the beach, but one bare-arsed bloke at the till is too much. I feel my sense of reality tilting.

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Many of the books are the sort of off-colour thrillers you flicked through for the sexy bits when your Dad nipped off for a pack of Winfields or a beer at the pub. We pass the pool area, where I catch glimpses of people who are definitely wearing nothing at all. Take that, Mum and Dad. Our neighbours also emerge, get in their car and drive off.

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He sounds suspicious, darwib though it might really be a front for giant mole men. We only look up when the sun Outdoor sex belfast disappeared. Further along the path are two middle-aged blokes in DIY mode including risky use of a hammer on a cabin roof, while on the river, pale people are putting up tents.

This means that I can drop in at any time and top up my nudity without being bothered by a billion rules and regulations. With the excitement of the walk and the distraction of a swim in the river, we fail to notice thunderclouds filling the valley. At that moment, a year-old girl wearing pyjamas wanders in and sits down. Through pure instinct, we make a dash back through the bush to shelter. We arrive back in time to see our neighbours drive off again — with Dennis and Sandra, of nude-pool fame.

We are total strangers, but I know I will soon see them nude.

On the walls are photos of young, happy, sexy nature-lovers. There is an unheated pool, a smaller, heated pool and three spas.

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The bookshelf is a giveaway too. Instead of being a nude pioneer, my role is to do backflips and point out where the hunters are. The possible social and moral implications of this collide in my brain like a darwjn wreck. Further up the hill I see others on their balconies, also nude.

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We give them a polite nod and wade on across the river. This is unpleasant for all of us, so I want you to imagine a big bunch of flowers hovering around my middle.

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Finally the girl gets bored and leaves, thank God. The few unders are here as a group; they sit by the pool smoking and drinking, but blatantly not undressing.

I twitch the curtain like a regular Mrs Mangel. They have gone past their prime in the way a Ferrari has gone past a small, asthmatic donkey. People under 50 obviously do know better. I browse the nudism magazines on the counter, and look through a list of upcoming activities. Just the shirt.

I browse the nudism magazines on the counter, and look through a list of upcoming activities. They are sitting on big rocks or looking at sunsets.